


Without feeling

by DarknightVirgil



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Platonic Moxiety, There will be fluff, im sorry Roman is being so mean to Logan, implied Touch Starvation, it’ll change, platonic Logince (eventually), prinxiety is a background relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-03 08:51:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15815544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarknightVirgil/pseuds/DarknightVirgil
Summary: “You’ve broken him!”“Logic doesn’t break Patton”





	1. Breaking logic

“Well if Thomas is feeling this way then perhaps-“

“And what would you know about feelings, specs” there was a harsh tone to Romans voice and the glare that followed set off an uneasy feeling in Logan’s stomach.  
He was right of course. The creative side knew far more about feelings than he did, although less than Patton it was still increasingly more than him.  
Logan swallowed visibly, he glanced to Virgil who had a small frown on his face, brow raised at Roman incredulously. The logical side then looked to Patton who quite frankly looked ready to fight Roman. 

“That’s quite enough, Roman” Patton said adjusting his glasses on his face. His voice low, gaze fixated on the fanciful side. Roman ignored the moral side and kept his eyes locked on Logan who had gone awfully quiet.

“What’s the matter, teach?” Roman raised a brow. “Finally realised that logic has no place in this discussion? You couldn’t understand, there’s no textbook on feelings, nerd” he practically sneered.

“Pump the breaks princey!” Thomas spoke up then, frowning at Roman. “That’s not true-“

“Actually” Logan spoke up now, pushing his glasses up his nose. “He’s right, I’m not needed here Thomas, I’m logic, no feelings included” he mumbled. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes so he took this as a queue to sink out. Roman was indeed right, what place did logic have there? He was foolish to think that he could actually have a say in how to deal with feelings. “I-i will take my leave, I’m sorry to have inconvenienced you, Roman. Truly I am” and with that Logan sank back into the mind palace and headed for his room.

It was only after Logan had slid the bolt across on his door that he allowed himself to cry. He slid down the door, wrapped his arms around his knees and cried.  
It had been recently that Logan started to think maybe he was capable of ‘feeling’. It would seem when around Patton mostly he found himself blushing more often than not and an indescribable feeling of want for the moral sides arms around him, wrapped tightly in a hug and that scared Logan. It scared him to death so he did his best to ignore whatever it was that was making his stomach churn it a somewhat pleasant way? He didn’t know what it was but he wanted it to stop.  
He wanted to stop the longing of the warmth a hug might bring.

Logan stayed there for the rest of the day, he stopped sobbing a while ago and was now alone with his thoughts. He began to think back over what Roman had said to him. Logan hated how incredibly true his statements were. Logan was logic, incapable of feeling things. He didn’t need love and affection, he’d never received it before so why suddenly now was he doubting being able to do without? Logan had always felt a longing to know how a hug felt, what it would be like to have a hand placed on his shoulder, a hand in his own, fingers dragging through his hair. The want was like a itching sensation he couldn’t get rid of. He’d done it for so long, repressed his wants of physical affection for the simple fact that he is logic and he doesn’t need it, that’s what he tells himself everyday. Logic doesn’t feel love, logic doesn’t deserve love. 

Logan got up from the floor and walked into his bathroom. He took in his appearance in the mirror and frowned. His eyes were red from crying and his glass were askew on his face. “You are nothing more than Thomas’ intellect, you work like a robot, you don’t feel, you are cold, you-“ he stopped, fresh tears forming in his eyes. “You are logic and that’s all you’re here for, that’s the only reason they put up with you, they’re afraid you’ll leave, duck out and leave Thomas so they-“ he sniffled and removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “They don’t love you” he mumbles not glancing back up, afraid to meet his own gaze in the mirror.  
He shuffled back into his bedroom and sat on the bed. “Perhaps I should remain here, not interfere with their little family anymore” Logan laid back on his bed and closed his eyes as more tears started to fall, and that’s where he stayed. 

Logan didn’t come out for breakfast the next morning. Patton had decided to leave Logan be the previous night, he thought Logan maybe needed some time alone. The logical side never seemed keen on Pattons attempts at comfort if an argument arose between him and another side which did hurt Patton more than he cared to admit. Patton cared deeply for all the sides but it seemed he had a soft spot for the logical side and the others definitely noticed. They called him out on it constantly, when  
Logan was not around they teased him for crushing on the “artificial intelligence” as Roman had once called him. Patton hated it, Logan was no robot, sure feelings weren’t his forte but the moral side knew Logan still felt things like the others did, they may all be aspects of Thomas’ personality but they themselves worked and functioned like people. 

Days went by and there was no sign of the logical side, Patton took food to his room and would later find a half empty plate with a small thank you written in Logan’s scruffy writing on a piece of paper placed under the plate. Logan only took this as their way of keeping him functioning, that’s all they needed him for anyway.

Patton was becoming increasingly worried and four days after Logan was still refusing to leave his room Patton snapped. He snapped at Roman.  
“You’ve broken him!” He accused, Roman merely laughed. 

“Logic can’t break Patton.”


	2. Can I hug you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sorry” he whispered. “I’m so sorry” it came out as a broken sob and then he was crying, hard, hands covering his face, and it broke patton’s heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first lil bit is like a recap just so you know :)

Patton was becoming increasingly worried and four days after Logan was still refusing to leave his room Patton snapped. He snapped at Roman.  
“You’ve broken him!” He accused, Roman merely laughed. 

“Logic can’t break Patton” and Patton scowled at that, he was infuriated that Roman would even think that, think that Logan doesn’t have feelings, doesn’t work like the rest of them do. 

********************* ********************** *********************

“Logan can” he mutters, feeling tears in his eyes. “Logan is not logic, sure that’s who he represents but that’s not who Logan is... Roman I’m ashamed at you” and with that Patton turned on his heel and headed straight for Logan’s room leaving the prince to think over what he’d actually done.

Patton stopped outside Logan’s door, he gave a hesitant knock. Once, twice, three times and then took a step back and waited. He could hear movement from inside the room and then the sliding of a lock, the door however remained closed. Patton frowned, he was unsure what to do but then he heard the softest little voice uttering a small ‘come in’ it was so quiet it could’ve easily been missed. Patton took a step forward and lightly pushed at the door, taking another step forward he was yet to actually see the logical side so he pressed in further until he was completely inside Logan’s room. He gently pushed the door closed behind him, leaving the lock undone. He doesn’t know why Logan had the lock there in the first place, it can’t really stop the others from entering but they had enough respect of each other’s privacy to not just appear in ones room without asking first. 

Patton glanced around and frowned, he still couldn’t see his bespectacled friend which left him thoroughly confused. Then Patton noticed the lump in the middle of the logical sides bed, of course. The moral side inched closer until he was stood by the side of Logan’s bed, he carefully took a seat on the edge beside the lump he believed to be Logan. 

“Hey Lolo” he spoke softly, small frown etched on his face. The only response he got was a small sniffle and his heart ached to just wrap Logan up in his arms and tell him everything would be okay but Patton knew (or at least he thought he knew) Logan wasn’t an overly affectionate person. Patton loved to give out hugs but each time he turned to the logical side he would be out of sight in an instance. 

What Patton didn’t know is that Logan craved the embrace so badly but was so scared. He was scared of feeling. Logan isolated himself from physical contact with the others. He cared for them all so much, in fact he knew he loved them but that scared him. He was logic and logic doesn’t feel. If he started feeling then that could get in the way of his logical mindset, and he didn’t need that so Logan had rules he lived by, no touching unless absolutely necessary, no holding eye contact for more than 10 seconds at a time and absolutely no developing attachment to the others. But he did.

Patton was torn. He wanted to comfort Logan but wasn’t sure of his boundaries. He settled for placing a hand on what he could presume to be Logan’s side, he appeared to be curled into a ball of sorts. 

Logan gasped and flinched at the contact. It sent a warmth through his body, skin burning under Patton’s touch even over the duvet that covered his body. The hand was immediately removed upon Logan’s reaction and the logical side couldn’t think of anything else to describe what he felt apart from that he wanted more. He craved for the warm sensation Pattons touch left. 

“S-sorry Lo.. I uh I should’ve asked” Patton said, voice laced with guilt and sadness. This only made Logan feel worse than he already did and before he knew what he was doing he sat up and flung the covers away.

“Do not apologise Patton” Logan mumbled, voice hoarse from all the crying he’d done over the last few days. Patton took in the sight before him, he’d never seen Logan so disheveled. His hair was wildly sticking up all over the place, his glasses were completely missing, allowing Patton to see how red and puffy his eyes were, how dull and lifeless they seemed. He was still wearing his usual shirt but there was no tie round his neck and the top three buttons were undone. Logan speaking again is what interrupted Patton from his thought process.  
“I did not wish for you to see me this way, but..” Logan looked down and bunched up the comforter in his hands. He could feel his eyes welling with tears again and he couldn’t bring himself to look at Patton, ‘cause if he did he was sure he’d lose it again and he’d only just composed himself.

“Logan” Patton sounded disappointed and Logan winced. Of course he was disappointed, Logic had fully broken down and this would not help Thomas. Logan felt himself begin to cry again and screwed his eyes up as best he could to stop the tears from falling. 

“I’m sorry” he whispered. “I’m so sorry” it came out as a broken sob and then he was crying, hard, hands covering his face, and it broke pattons heart.  
Desperate to comfort his friend patton reached out but paused before he touched the logical side. 

“Lolo can I... do you- uh want a hug?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry but more angst, it gets better I promise just hang in there :,) comments are appreciated, let me know you’re feelings I’m sorry if I broke you’re lil hearts


	3. Fixing logan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Y-you love me?” His voice was quiet, he stuttered over his words not truly believing someone could love someone so cold, so isolated, so... robotic.

“Lolo can I... do you- uh want a hug?” Patton spoke softly, eyes trained on Logan, gaze full of concern for the logical side. Logan’s body shook with another loud sob, his answer muffled into his hands. Patton felt his heart break even more at the soft ‘please’ uttered by Logan.   
Patton wasted no time in flinging his arms around Logan and pulling him into his chest.

Logan sobbed into pattons shoulder, clinging to him as if his life depended on it. Patton couldn’t help the few tears that escaped as he held Logan to his chest. He moved one hand in favour of carding his fingers through Logan’s hair while his other lightly rubbed the logical sides back. Logan shivered at the contact, it felt nice. No it felt good, great. Logan had never received a hug from any if the sides, in fact any physical contact at all and this was all very overwhelming for him to comprehend. He knew he didn’t deserve it and that the moral side just pitied him in his current state, once he was back to being logic no one would care anymore.

Patton stayed there with Logan until his sobs had subsided into small sniffles. He didn’t cease running his fingers through Logan’s hair nor did he stop rubbing his back. “Lo, is there something you want to talk about?” The moral side asked softly, he looked down at Logan who had pretty much manoeuvred himself into pattons lap and buried his head into pattons neck.

Abruptly Logan pulled back, eyes wide and shocked expression flooded his features briefly, he shook his head and rubbed his eyes. “No- there is nothing to talk about, Patton” he avoided pattons gaze and was quick to scramble from his lap, standing beside the bed. “I-I simply.. I just” Logan struggled to find the word, he couldn’t tell Patton. 

“Are you sure? ‘Cause it’s not like you to uh-“ now Patton was at a loss for words. Suddenly Logan snapped his head up to look at Patton, he could feel more tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

“To what? To feel? Yeah I know” Logan’s voice wavered as he spoke, eyes now locked on pattons, who had now moved to stand in front of him. Pattons face fell as the words left the logical sides mouth.

“No! That’s not- uh.. Logan I...” Patton struggled, he didn’t know what to say, what could he say? Logan looked away from him again, gaze dropping to the floor. Patton took a hesitant step towards him and slowly brought a hand to Logan’s face, gently tilting his head upwards. “I know you feel things Logan, you feel things just as much as the rest of us do, a-and you don’t- you ignore those feelings because you think you don’t need it, you think you don’t deserve to be loved, to feel love but gosh darn it Logan you’re wrong, you’re so wrong and I wish that you could see h-how much... how much I love you” Patton was crying now and Logan was in shock.

His cheek burned under pattons touch, the warmth sent a wave a chills through his body and he wanted nothing more than to hug his friend and never let go.   
“Y-you love me?” His voice was quiet, he stuttered over his words not truly believing someone could love someone so cold, so isolated, so... robotic. 

Patton gave a sad smile leaning forward and pressing his forehead to Logan’s while whispering a small ‘so much’ and that set Logan off again. But this time it was happy tears.

“C-can I... c-can you...“ Logan didn’t know how to phrase his question, tears falling quietly down his cheeks. Patton seemed to know, he knew what Logan wanted without any words to be said and he wrapped his arms around Logan again, tightly.

The two stayed in each other’s embrace for a little while until Patton pulled back only a little. “Logan, you need to talk about your feelings, keeping them all bottled up is no good” Patton scolds softly, keeping his eyes locked on Logans. “Tell me, tell me how you feel” Patton took one of Logan’s hands in his own and gave it a soft squeeze.

Logan gulped. He couldn’t lie to Patton, he just had to say it and deal with the rejection. He took a deep breath. “I-i love you” he admitted and Patton smiled a little, although a look of confusion washed over his face.

“I love you too Logan, now are you gonna tell me what-“

“No patton- I uh I truly believe I have fallen in love with you” Logan admitted quietly, he bowed his head and squeezed his eyes shut and prepared for Patton to tell him he did not feel the same. But it never came, instead Patton launched himself at Logan which sent the pair toppling on to Logan’s bed. 

“You don’t know how happy I am to hear you say that Lolo” Patton mumbled with a small giggle into Logan’s shoulder. He was laid on top of the logical side and had buried his head against his shoulder. “I have been feeling this way about you for so long! I just- I never thought you’d feel the same, you’ve always been so close with verge and- you’re the left brain boys! You work well together, you understand each other-“

“You thought me and Virgil- heavens no Patton he’s dating Roman” Logan managed a chuckle as Patton sat up slightly looking down at him a bewildered look across his face. 

“He is? Why do I not know about this!” Logan laughed at this.

“It’s so obvious pat, do you not see them canoodling every chance they get” Logan raised a brow looking up at the moral side.

Patton blushed slightly. “I had never noticed, if I’m honest most of my attention is always on you” he admitted sheepishly. A silence fell over the two of them and a pink blush spread over Logan’s cheeks at the statement. “Lolo if- I would really-“ Pattons own blush darkened and he lowered his face closer to Logan’s. “Like to kiss you” he whispered, gently bumping his nose against the logical sides. 

Logan’s breath caught in his throat. His mind went blank and for once, he decided to embrace his feelings and ignore his logic, the only thing that came to mind was the word “please” and then they were kissing and Logan had never experienced such a feeling before. 

When Patton pulled away a noise resembling that of a whine escaped Logan’s throat and he flushed red immediately. Patton merely giggled and rolled off of Logan and sat up.

“Now let’s talk.”

Epilogue

After Logan explained absolutely everything to Patton they stayed in his room and cuddled. 

It was now quite a few months later and Logan was doing better than ever, he and Patton were in a happy healthy relationship and he had learned to stop bottling up his feelings, of course it still happened but Patton managed to coax everything out of him eventually.

Logan and Roman had formed a stronger friendship after resolving there issues and Roman stopped thinking of of him as ‘Logic’ and instead thought of him as ‘logan’, a friend who he loved dearly and cared for with all his heart, along with the other three sides. 

Fin ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo that’s it, there we go! I told you I would provide the fluff and here it is! Hope this is satisfactory for you all! Lemme know your thoughts and I’m already planning my next one shot and it’s gonna be fluffy as heck so look forward to that :D

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so this is kinda angsty for me but I tried to write it because I’ve seen some stuff about touch starved Logan and I wanted to ‘try’ written it? This is hopefully just gonna be 2 parts (but I can do more if people want) and I’ll upload the next part in a couple days maybe?  
> Comments appreciated! Let me know if you think I can add or change anything :]


End file.
